The clock was moving so fast.. But time seemed to be standing steal.. I wanted my parents there so badly.. I just wanted them to get there as fast as they could so that they could fix every thing.. My great grandma was the first one to arrive and I just melted when I seen her.. I didn't want anyone to see me, I didn't want anyone to know what was going on.. She just held me and said it would all be OK..
My parents finally arrived and I just asked cried when I seen my Mom.. I remember thinking that I didn't want to see my dad, because I didn't want to let him down.. I didn't want to see him sad, or too see him cry.. When my Dad did finally come in I just wanted to go back to being 6 years old again, so he could hold me and make my tears go away..
I kept telling everyone that I wanted to go back to yesterday when my world was complete, when I still had a bouncing silly little girl in my tummy.. The next hours Kale and I had to make arrangements that no parent should have to do.. We had to make arrangements for the funeral home to take our sleeping daughter.. I had to decide where she went, and when she went..
My nurse Annette had to leave her shift was ending, I just wanted to keep her there with me the entire time.. She calmed me down, and she was just so helpful.. Another amazing woman then entered my life, her name was Stephanie.. She was so sweet.. She had to per-pair us for after Cadence was born, she went through everything that would be done and she told us a little about what she would look like after she was born.. She said that Cadence would probably have little sores on her body because her skin was so delicate, and her lips would be pink, and she would only have color for a little while then she would lose her color and turn more purple.. I was terrified and all I could do was cry.. My doctor was wonderful and said I could have an epidural as soon as possible so I got that right away, and as soon as that was set they induced me.. All night things changed, my mother in law and my mom didn't leave our sides at all that night.. I was given something to help me sleep a little before delivery..
The hours flew by and Annette came back, and by that time it was time to push.. Delivering Cadence was harder on my body because she wasn't in there to helping me push her out.. How could she when she was already gone.. I only pushed for a about 30 minutes and before I knew it Cadence was out.. As soon as she was out I just grabbed Kale and I just started to pray.. I didn't plan on doing that but that was the only thing I could do to keep myself under control.. I prayed out loud, I wanted to make sure the Lord heard me.. They took Cadence and treated her like nothing was different at all, they wrapped her up and then I got to hold her.. Then they took her and gave her a bath, got her dressed in her adorable outfit and put her head band that matched her outfit on her.. There she was beautiful as can be, with a head full of brown curly hair, a button nose, and perfect in every way.. She was 5lbs. 10 ounces, and 19 inches long.. Her feet were so big!! and her legs went on for miles..
I couldn't keep her long I could just have her for a few hours.. I just wanted to run out of there and take her home.. I didn't want anyone taking her anywhere, but I had no choice.. I remember telling Kale I had to see her feet.. I had to know what they looked like.. She had my toes, and my hands.. but everything else was her Daddy.. She has the same little red mark Kale has on his cheek and he had my Dad's tiny ears.. I tired to take everything in and remember everything, but it was so hard because it all seemed like a dream and as the days went on I forgot more and more.. I'm so glad Annette told us to take lots a of pictures, and now I will forever cherish them!
Check back soon, there will be more to come.. May God Bless each and everyone of you
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