Everyday

Not Every day is an easy one.. Today I opend my Facebook picture albums to look for a picture. Well I came across the pictures from Cadences Baby shower. Then came the water works. She was so loved already. Everyone was excited to meet her. Everyone wanted her just as much as Kale and I did.

All her gifts.. From the cake to the party favors.. To the actual gifts from all of our loved ones..

She had a beautiful cake that my grandma made for her. And the amazing party favors that we all worked so hard on.. Everything was perfect. She moved like crazy and yet I still felt like we shouldn't have been celebrating just yet. I felt like I was holding back. I didn't want to go outside to open gift and not because I wasn't grateful but more like because deep down I knew something was wrong. It was a hard day for me. I was happy by yet I was scared.

Today I sit here wondering what she would like.. Who she would be today.. The things she would love and the things she disliked.. I have an ache in my heart that will never go away.. That will never be filled.. I just want her back I want to squeeze her and cover her in my kisses.. I want to teach her right from wrong.. I want to laugh when she is being silly.. I want to complain about getting no sleep cause I've had a crying baby all night..

Seeing all those picture reminded me that everyone loves Cadence almost as much as I do.. Reminded me that I am blessed.. I do have everything in my life. I have a Daughter that lives in the most beautiful place.. I have a daughter that didn't have to say a word to change the world.. Though she was born still she was STILL BORN and I am STILL a Mother..

I love you Cadence.