The finally came, like there was no stop between my days it seemed like they were all jumbled into one. I had to wake up and get dressed for my daughters funeral.. Not exactly what I wanted to be doing..
The day before we went to the funeral home just so I could be prepared I guess. I felt like I had to go, I felt like I had to talk to the funeral director myself even though arrangements were already take care of. We got there and I walked into the building and we sat as a family with my in-laws and my parents going over the small details for the funeral. Mr. Terraza showed us the casket that Cadence's great grandfather had chosen for her, and it was beautiful. All I could did was cry when I seen it, just a little bigger then a shoe box and that's where my daughter would be laid to rest in. I wanted to see her once more when I was there but they said no that they were trying to keep her as perfect as they could for the funeral.
So Saturday rolled around and once again I was back at the funeral home trying to be as strong as I could. Trying to look strong, trying to hold it together. I got out of my truck and was surrounded by family and friends. I had no idea that many people had shown up, that had already loved Cadence. Kale and I were let in to be with Cadence for 30 minutes before the services started and I thought that would be enough time. But its never enough time when your only child, your first born, is gone and there wasn't anything I could do to change it.. The building was full of people and Mr. Terraza came in and asked if I was ready to close the casket or if I would like for him to let my friends and family in to see Cadence. And just the day before I didn't want anyone to see her, I didn't want anyone to look at my daughter. But at that moment looking at my daughter and how perfect she was, how beautiful she looked that day I knew I had to let my family and friends see her. They all came in and I didn't lever her side I kept talking to her, just like if she was there listing to me. Kale stood with me right next to Cadence, he was so strong and kept me together. I didnt look at anyone as they came up I just remember them all saying how beautiful she was and how beautiful her dress was. I didn't want to have to look people in the eye and let them see that I failed, until I heard a familiar voice a voice that was always so nice and funny, it was my 6th grade teacher. She just hugged me and I could feel the meaning in that hug. It was a hug that I needed more then I knew it at the time.
The services were lovely and it meant so much to me, Bishop Day did an amazing job. It also nice for Kale and I to have him do them because he married us last year in March.
Before I knew it we were in the limo with Cadence on one seat and Kale and I on the other, I looked at Kale and said I didn't want my first ride in a car with my daughter to be my last. We finally made it our family cemetery Cadence's grave was blessed, it had been a rainy day, clouds everywhere, and when Bishop Day was blessing her grave it started to thunder. Like Cadence was saying I'm ok Mommy! So, once again friends and family came to hug us and pay respects. I once again didn't want to look at anyone, until Billy came and grabbed my face and told me he loved us and that he would be praying for my family. I felt his words were like a blanket on my heart, like each prayer was healing me slowly but surely..
When the day finally ended and I got home, it rained so hard, and I knew that it was Cadence again telling us she was ok! The day faded away and so did my family they were all gone, everyone was back to their lives while my life was slowly going down the drain.. I didnt want to be alone I wanted Kale with me all the time, and I wanted my parents where I could see them. I just felt like and still do feel like I have to see my family everyday! I have to know they are still here..
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