The Holidays..

Can't I just skip the whole month of December? More like wake me up when March gets here.. I'm not ready for Christmas.. I don't want to decorate, I don't want to do any of it.. My daughter should be growin fast and be the center of attention with the family, but she wont be here.. She will of course be my center of attention.. But no one will get to kiss her chubby cheeks and say how adorable she is and that's what kills me..

Then I have to stop.. Stop and think about Cadence.. She doesn't want me to be sad, she doesn't want me to  skip the holidays.. As hard as this is going to be its not going to be harder then any other day with out her.. what makes it hard is the fact she isn't physically here, but she is in my heart.. I seen something the other day and it said " DON'T BE SAD I'M SPENDING CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS" and that couldn't have made me any happier! She is with Jesus and that's a Christmas I could have never given her myself..

Kale and I decided that we will take her, her very own Christmas tree and decorate it for her.. And I know she will LOVE it!!

I find myself thinking about that song "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" By: Justin Moore.. If I could just drive to see her my heart wouldn't be so crushed.. If I could just hold her one more time for five minutes longer, so I could tell her how much she means too me.. I hope she knows that.. I pray that the Lord tells her how much she changed my life.. How much her mommy and her daddy love her.. I can only pray she knows these things.. I love you so much my sweet perfect baby girl!